Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
