she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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