That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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