I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
