I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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