Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Found the puke drawer
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Randomize
