My brain says no but my pants say off.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
