Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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