Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
