To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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