it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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