He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
oh god the rape fog is back!
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
