I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
