I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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