Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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