I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
