I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
