Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
