Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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