did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
i now understand why vodka
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
