He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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