Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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