I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
