you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize