I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize