yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
