you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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