its not stalking. its research.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
