Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
