I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
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