Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
cat food counts as protein by the way
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
