i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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