Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
