im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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