Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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