So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
