No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
