It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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