i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
