I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
