How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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