yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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