It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
