Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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