ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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