ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
