I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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