I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
