Do you still have your period?
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
