he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
