Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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