Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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