It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
