garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
