I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize