im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
