Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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