i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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