fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
