I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
