Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
