I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
