Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
