I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
