he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Randomize
