I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I just forgot I was standing up.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
