Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
