I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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