I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
