She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
