In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Randomize
