Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize