NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
