Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
