Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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