I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
