Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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