I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
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