Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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