WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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