I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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