my being single is dangerous.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
