Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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